Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
