Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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