Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
