I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
