having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
