Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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