oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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