Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
