Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
