I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
