id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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