I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
