Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
