I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
