It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
