If i come over, it means nothing
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
