so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
