You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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