I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
im six kinds of drunk right now
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
