She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
