God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
