I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We were destined to go to rehab together
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
