Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
