Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
