but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
