I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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