Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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