porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
