So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
