Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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