i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
