So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
