he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
