I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
