I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
