Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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