let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize