he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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