i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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