Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
