I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
