dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
