Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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