theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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