I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My breasts were aching with rage.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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