I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
