When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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