I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
