I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
