ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
