i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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