are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
