I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
