An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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