no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
