i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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