'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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