end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
