If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
