last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
