I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
