He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
