i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
