I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
