As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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