A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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