I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I want to walk on stilts...naked
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize